Lance Longthorne

Appears in:
Series 1, Series 3

Played By:
Mark Gatiss

Quickie Bio:
The rude, mean owner of Royston Vasey's joke shop, where he sells "inappropriate" joke-items that go a bit over the line. He's a heavyset man with one arm. He sells Geoff items for Mike's bachelor party, tricks the foreman for the road construction group into electrocuting himself, and sells an "Exocet" to Nana Brambles.

In the third series Lance decides to get a new arm grafted on, and turns to his friend Mike King. Mike procures him an arm, but it is a lady's arm -- belonging to a former nun (Sister Bernadette McClusky). The arm still has a mind of its own, and forces Lance to do good deeds (as well as some ladylike things). Finally, when Lance can take it no more, he gets the arm removed, but somehow he was still compelled to do a final good deed...

Useless Trivia:
  • Lance is partially based on a real joke shop owner from Leeds. He was racist and said terrible things to the customers.
  • Lance's personna is also based upon a 1 armed man who worked in a pub. He was very large and very intimidating.
  • "The Exocet" (the overly-large "item" Lance sold to Nana Brambles before her stay at The Windermere in Series 3) was serial killer Rosemary West's nickname for her dildo.


    • Quotes:
  • Some people ain't got no sense of humor.




    • back
    		 Series 1

    Series 3
    The Lady Arm

    Appears in:
    Series 3

    Played By:
    Wim Booth

    Quickie Bio:
    The arm that was transplanted onto Lance. We later discover that the arm belongs to a former nun named Sister Bernadette McClusky, which explains why it was always forcing Lance to do good deeds.

    Useless Trivia:
  • The majority of the time the arm actually does belong to Mark Gatiss (who plays Lance), however occassionally (during the dream sequence) the arm is that of a real lady, Wim Booth. Wim Booth is a professional puppeteer and mime.




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    		 Series 3
    The Bouncer

    Appears in:
    Series 3

    Played By:
    Kevin Brannagan

    Quickie Bio:
    The bouncer throws Lance out of the Flaps in Your Lap "Exotic Dance Center" (strip club) when his new arm breaks the "no touching" rule.



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    		 Series 3
    Queenie

    Appears in:
    Series 3

    Played By:
    Sylvie Gattrill

    Quickie Bio:
    The (old) stripper performing when Lance's new arm breaks the "no touching" rule.



    back
    		 Series 3
    Charity Tin Woman

    Appears in:
    Series 3

    Played By:
    Hope Johnstone

    Quickie Bio:
    Nice lady collecting for charity as Lance's and his new lady-arm walk by.



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    		 Series 3
    Nana Brambles

    Appears in:
    Series 3

    Played By:
    Olive Pendleton

    Quickie Bio:
    Nice old lady who visits Lance's joke shop to get something for her 8 year old grandson, Francis. She ultimately leaves the shop with something for herself, The Exocet (which she later brandishes at the Sexplorer's party at the Windermere).

    Useless Trivia:
  • "The Exocet" was serial killer Rosemary West's nickname for her dildo.




    • back
    		 Series 3
    Joke Shop Kid

    Appears in:
    Series 3

    Played By:
    ???

    Quickie Bio:
    Nana Bramble's 8 year old grandson, Francis. He and his grandmother are looking to purchase something for his birthday in Lance's joke shop

    Useless Trivia:
  • The same little boy plays one of Iris' kids in both Series 1 and Series 2




    • back
    		 Series 3



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